Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
Shelley, Ozymandias.

This year has been the most challenging, yet the most rewarding, for me! The most valuable skill I have learnt is not only to critique the way I am directing but also to think critically about theatre in general. Too often in the past I have simply directed a play as if it were my duty to do so after I had a rush of blood to the head and volunteered my services. However, this approach not only devalues the process but also is disrespectful to the actors, the audience, and, most of all, myself. I have learnt to use a production to find out more about myself as well as provide a forum for those creating with me to reach out and touch our fellow humans. Along the way, I have learnt that I must take a risk with my productions – it is not enough simply to stage a play but I must have some emotional connection to that play. I must open myself up and lay myself bare by showing others how I see the world.

It took me a long time to see what the journal exercise was about. Now I realise it is a way to focus on my work, and the work of others, to practically study the director’s role; a role which can only be learnt by doing. It took me a long time to make the leap from writing a review – of which the primary role is to describe the event to an audience who was not present, or to show the audience that was present a different view of the production – to writing a response to a production – of which the primary role is to match my view of the world to that of the production’s director. When I am creating theatre, I need to be conscious of the way I direct, and the way I view the world, so that I can remain true to myself since this is the only way to honestly direct. The skill of seeing yourself as another would, and my work is just another facet of myself, is one of the hardest to cultivate yet I feel I have made great leaps this year in honestly evaluating my work and minimising the sense of protection we all build around our selves.

Coming to the Melbourne Festival was an excellent opportunity for me since it opened my eyes to the ways other people create theatre. Of course, I also had this opportunity in Dunedin, but coming to a different area shows a whole new approach to theatre rather than, often, showing variations on a theme – a phenomenon particularly prevalent in LTT. Particularly the work of Robert Wilson and Barrie Kosky which I found both challenging as well as felt deeply sympathetic with; I find these two artists incredibly inspiring and I find a challenge to improve my ability in their work.

During the conversation with Barrie Kosky, he said “artists have one idea which they find different ways of expressing throughout their career.” This led me to think about what is my one idea? Obviously, being a gay man has influenced my work greatly. Even discounting the political ramifications of staging queer works – something which would be vain since most of my plays stem from a desire to do political work – it is impossible for my sexuality not to influence my work. This would mean I have to step outside myself and portray a life I do not live. As I mentioned in my entry on Sizwe Banzi is Dead, I often stage difference. Perhaps difference is my one idea; I wish to stage my life – which is inherently different to everyone else’s – since this is the impulse from which theatre stems. However, in one sense we all stage difference because this is the only thing we can stage. What I do is make this difference obvious. I begin from a stand-point of wanting to actively show the audience the difference between them and the actors. By explicitly staging difference, I give the audience the gift of being able to touch, however briefly, the life of another. In touching another they are able to see the humanity common to us all and thereby expand their view of the world. Politically, moving the Other from the margins to the centre also helps reduce fear since people fear what they do not understand. Acknowledging what makes you different is the only way to create honest theatre. I now just need to remember this fact so I can apply it to my future career endeavours.

Lisa has also taught me never to be satisfied with what I have done. I also found this during Claire, where the result was not as good as it could have been because I let both myself and my actors off easily. I need to remember that there are always improvements to be made, just as there are always things to learn about the world and your place in it. Similarly, I have learnt to be a lot more relaxed during rehearsals. I have learnt that my actors have contributions to make – or rather I have learnt how to better include my actors’ unique talents in the process of creation – and now the challenge is to find ways to push them to explore the text more fully without actually telling them what to do or letting them be satisfied with the first offer.

Although I have learnt much this year, I have much work still to do. This year has seen some of my best work, particularly Claire, but it has shown me how much further there is still to go in my journey. Of course, we all grow constantly as our journey through life continues but this year has shown me just how much work there is for me to do. In the words of someone famous: “Once more into the breach dear friends.”